I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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