Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
