Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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