she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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