So drunk, too bad you don't want this
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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