so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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