So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
