new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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