Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
