He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
