Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
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My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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