she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
