dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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