you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
