ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
