if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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