I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
