maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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