I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
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So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
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Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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