I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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