I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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