so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
