Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
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The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
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my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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