i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
