Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
