Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
