I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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