Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
