I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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