Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
