I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
