I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
