Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
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No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
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When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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