my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize