why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
