my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
