I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
