did you get engaged???
You're so nebulous sometimes
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
