Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
