My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
