It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
