You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
