he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
