Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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