Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
