I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
