dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
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I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
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saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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