Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I want her autograph on my taint
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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