honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
