if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
