i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
