tequila makes me forget i have legs
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
