one two three fourrrrnication!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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