I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
