told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
