Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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