I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
