She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
