You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize