batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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