Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We need a shit load of segways right now
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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