I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
