I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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